Privacy Policy
The "No Probing" Privacy Policy
1. Classification: Top Secret
Look, we know you’re paranoid. We are too. That’s why we’re here. This document outlines how ItsFuckingAliensBro.com handles your terrestrial data. We value your privacy more than the government values the secrets of Area 51.
2. The Data We Abduct (What We Collect)
We keep it simple. We aren't interested in your DNA (yet). We primarily collect:
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Contact Info: Your email address and name (or code name), so we can beam transmissions directly to your inbox.
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Digital Footprints: We automatically receive your IP address when you browse our site. Think of it as your digital crop circle. It helps us learn about your browser and operating system so we can optimize the experience.
How We Use The Specimens (Usage)
We use your information for the following non-nefarious purposes:
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To Send Transmissions: Updates, newsletters, and conspiracy theories delivered straight to your device.
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To Improve the Mothership: We use feedback and data to make the website better for all human and non-human visitors.
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To Process Transactions: If you buy merch, we use your info to ship it. We do not sell, trade, or transfer your personally identifiable information to outside parties (especially not the Greys).
Tracking Beacons (Cookies)
Yes, we use cookies. Not the delicious kind, but the small data files that site service providers transfer to your computer’s hard drive.
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Why? They help us remember your preferences for future visits and compile aggregate data about site traffic.
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Opt-out: You can choose to have your computer warn you each time a cookie is being sent, or you can turn off all cookies. If you turn them off, some features might not work (like our tractor beam).
Third-Party Disclosure:
We do not sell, trade, or otherwise transfer your Personally Identifiable Information to outside parties unless we provide users with advance notice. This does not include website hosting partners and other parties who assist us in operating our website, conducting our business, or serving our users, so long as those parties agree to keep this information confidential.
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Exceptions: We may release information when it's appropriate to comply with the law (Earth laws only), enforce our site policies, or protect ours or others' rights, property or safety.
Mission Abort (Unsubscribing)
If at any time you would like to unsubscribe from receiving future emails, you can follow the instructions at the bottom of each email. We will promptly remove you from our correspondence list. No hard feelings. We’ll just assume you’ve been memory-wiped.
Consent
By using our site, you consent to this privacy policy. If you are actually an alien, you consent to not vaporize us.
If there are any questions regarding this privacy policy, you may contact us using the information below:
Deep Space Nebula Station 09 Transmission Frequency: itsfingaliensbro@gmail.com